Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
