WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her vagine was all disorganized.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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