I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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