he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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