college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
