The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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