If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
