You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
