Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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