They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I would ride that face into the sunset
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
