I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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