And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
