Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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