the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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