and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
