so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
