theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
