chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
