So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize