Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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