You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
