I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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