Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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