After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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