i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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