i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize