I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I believe in your delicious
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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