took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
