so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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