Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
