We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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