but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
