Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
