Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
