I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
