So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
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Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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