i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
