Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
