Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
