I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
