literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
