Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
