he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize