nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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