I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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