We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
