I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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