i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
