3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
