dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
