you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
