I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am naked and annoyed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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