It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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