I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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