Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
