So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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