woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think i got beer on your cat.
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